What’s been going on lately??
A lot of people have been asking when I’ll be posting videos, clearly I’ve been slacking quiet a bit. But I do have a reason as to why. A lot has been going on in my life lately. And within the past few months, there’s been a lot of things building up and moving quickly in my life and I haven’t been able to find much time to work on Videos that I have in mind (trust me, I have A TON in mind!)
I haven’t forgotten about you, I’m not neglecting you nor am I trying to let you down; there’s just been so much going on that I’m starting to fall behind. Here are my reasons and explanations to what’s been going on in my life.
First and foremost, I’ve been having some serious technical issues. (The next bit will be an explanation to everything that happened there). I currently have the Macbook Pro 13″ from 2010. It’s an amazing computer and I love it, but because I have so much that I do and use on it, my memory/storage easily fills up and my computer speeds are a bit too slow to me. So I updated my RAM from 4GB to 8GB. That’s entirely fine. But then I bought a SSD (Solid State Drive) to install where my computers main HD was, and bought a CD Slot Caddy (A caddy to place my original HD from the computer in the place of the CD Drive). Everything went smoothly aside from little difficulties with getting Mac OS X on it, but then one day, it just died. Now let me explain quickly - I bought the SSD to have my Operating System run off of it and store applications (which can take up a good amount of space) and just have my main files on my HD. I didn’t realize but I accidentally saved my game plays onto my SSD rather my HD and thus, when it died, I lost all of my already finished ready-to-upload gameplays for my gaming channel. I also lost a video I had filmed while I was in NJ for my main channel. So I ordered a new SSD and now have found out the main cable that runs from my SSD/HD to the motherboard of my computer is broken in some way and won’t transfer any info to my computer – thus it won’t work. I’m currently just running my HD through the CD Drive Caddy. I have to wait to be able to really heavily work on videos that I have to do until I can get that wire replaced and my computer working.
Secondly, there has been a lot of stress occurring within my family. I’m not going to get into a full detailed explanation because it’s not something I need to discuss, but I will tell you this. My father has been sick practically all his life but has always fought to keep living and to make the best of his life, and he has done so for the past 50+ years (He’ll be 69 in October). I absolutely love both of my parents and my dad is one of the only people I actually look up to in my life. He’s been a hero to me, an amazing father, and a great friend and forever will be to me. As I’m writing this, he’s in his third rehabilitation center after being placed in the hospital multiple times because of some form of problem from his heart. Now because of these unfortunate consistent hospital/rehab stays, it’s been extremely hard on my mom as well. My mom works as hard as she can, sells antiques and items the best she can, and always tries to be at my dads side no matter where he is to just make him feel better if possible. Honestly, my mom is so stressed and so crazily busy with everything, she barely sleeps and when she can, it’s on the couch because she’s too exhausted to go up to bed. I’m extremely worried for both of my parents health and I’m the only one in my family at this time that is remotely capable of helping them. I can’t help out financially as much as I’d like being as I’m struggling myself, but I try and offer anything and everything I can. Just keeping them company can help with their sanity and happiness. Regardless – because of everything going on with my family and with my dad being sick, I’m constantly stressed and worried and traveling back and forth to try and help the best I can. (I’m not at all complaining about it – I’m just stating what’s going on). [Now in the daily vlogs I'm in of Ty's it may seem that in the footage of me, I don't seem so stressed or so busy - that's because I'm trying to NOT look that way and I'm trying to keep things remotely happy and remotely entertaining for viewer enjoyment.] So basically, worried, travel, stress and what not because of family struggles and health issues.
Thirdly, I’ve been having a lot of my own personal mental struggles. I really want to go back to school, get a degree yet I know that if I weren’t living with Ty, I would be staying at home taking care of my parents – thus I feel cornered. Aside from school, a giant part of me wants to get a job to go out into the world and socialize with others rather being cooped up in a house all the time (if I’m not traveling). The only money I make is the little bits of money from my own personal videos. I do not get paid for the little work I do with the daily vlogs being as he pays for a majority of my expenses in return for my work. (I am starting to realize this isn’t the best thing either – I need to save up my money and know exactly where the money I earn goes to and what not). And I’ve also been thinking deeply on moving back to NJ. I really need to be with my family and need to be near them so I can give them as much help as possible but yet, I don’t want to leave NC because I want to be able to be with Ty and Mac. Everything’s just a big mess. So I just am bouncing back and forth with myself on my own personal decisions.
Lastly, anytime I’m not traveling or not dealing with technical problems, I’m doing something with Ty. Because of the vlogs that he and I do, we’re constantly trying to find things that are entertaining for viewers and ways to keep everything in our house together and well. I’m not going into detail but we have our own relationship we’re working on (NO relationship is perfect), we’ve got a house we have to take care of, and work on the vlogs together daily.
Whenever I’m not doing any of those things; dealing with tech problems, traveling, family matters, working out situations in my mind, and working with Ty on the Daily Vlogs, I feel like I barely have anytime to breathe. I’m never one to really focus on me. I always put others before myself and give what I can to those who need it more. I’m just trying to be as honest and blunt about everything. I never take time in the day to really focus on myself. The only time I do is when I get ready, and even then, I don’t enjoy any of that time because I’m always rushing. Right now, as I’m writing this, I still feel like I’m not even able to breath and just relax for a moment to take care of myself. There’s just so much stress and worries of all sorts of different things occuring throughout my body and mind I just feel like I’m losing myself completely.
Meanwhile, I have so many different videos that I have to film and make and edit and I KNOW I will get them done as soon as I can. So anytime anyone asks when I’ll be posting a new video, I can only reply with “soon!!”. I do plan on getting videos out for you guys as soon as I possibly can. First priority, fix my computer cable so I can use my SSD and edit quick enough to get a bundle of stuff out.
I know all of those said explanations aren’t just reasonable excuses. Throughout all of this, I should be able to make videos and what not so I greatly apologize for my slack-age :/
Now quickly! I have a few little update-ish things on my channels:
Main Channel: I plan to, once I have a bundle of stuff set and ready, upload videos at least once a week for you if not more. Definitely once a week!
iPhone Channel: I’ll definitely upload a few times a week giving you guys little bits and updates. I’ve been thinking about doing daily vlogs on this channel myself, just simple small stuff. I’ve been thinking about that for a few months now but I’m not sure if that’s going to happen – it’s up for debate!
Gaming Channel: Once I get all of the gameplays I had recorded re-recorded and exported and have everything basically back-logged, I’m hoping to be able to consistently upload a gameplay every day along with occasional videos discussing gaming news, fun game-stuff and anything gaming related.
Beauty Channel: I haven’t really released this channel to the public yet – well, now you know about it. There isn’t any content up there currently, but I have a LOT of videos planned for this channel and, as the same as the rest of my channels, I plan to get a ton of videos filmed for you and upload once every other week or once a month on that channel. I’m not planning on keeping it on a serious schedule – this is some side project I really want to work on and enjoy so we shall see! :D
Okay! There we go haha. (Again, I know none of this is a reasonable excuse, I don’t expect everyone to be like “oh it’s fine grayson”. I’m upset with myself that I haven’t been making videos ;/) That’s my basic update-ish type thing for everyone curious and I again, do not want to be letting you guys down or seeming like I just forgot about you. There’s just been so much going on. Thank you so much for understanding and being so patient with me. I love you soo much and can’t even explain to you how grateful I am for having you in my life :)