The Never Happy Ending – Jewel Entry 4

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You know those fairy tales, where a poor girl or princess struggles to find her true love and in the end, he’s a handsome, all around amazing prince who she ends up with happily ever after? Screw Disney and their damn classics. That shit almost never happens. At least it doesn’t for me.

I’ve been searching and searching for that prince, that one guy who’s all around perfect to me in so many different ways, but I can never seem to find him. At times, I’ll give up and a guy will show up in my life and I think to myself “Maybe he’s the one!” and I some how magically convince myself that I love him, almost every time.

Yet in the end, I get screwed over, hurt myself in the process of it all, damage my self confidence and lose the guy. People will tell me, “Jewel, you’re so lucky! He’s such a great guy!” and what they don’t know is whenever we’re alone, he’ll scream and yell at me, manipulate me to the point where I just do whatever he says.

I don’t have a boyfriend now. And I’m starting to question whether or not they’re even worth it. Every time, I get hurt. Always. I can’t fend for myself at all. I’ll curl up in the corner, fetal position and all, helpless. It’s like, throughout my past relationships, each guy somehow managed to damage and bruise me mentally and emotionally. I can’t look in the mirror without being disgusted. I’m honestly not even sure who the hell I am anymore.

Jewel… Jewel who? She’s been lost for so long no one can even begin to describe properly who the hell she is anymore. I’ll tell you what I used to be: strong, confident, talented, creative, funny, dorky, and beautiful. Now I’m just a bruised up lost girl who can’t hold herself up. It’s pathetic, I’m pathetic.

I’m not a damn princess and I don’t have a prince who will ever come to save me.

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