Right when I thought my path and mind was finally clearing from this haze that’s unfortunately trailed along side me for far too long, it thickens around me, constricting me yet again. I need to truly sit and listen to what my heart says, what my heart longs for aside from love and comfort in another’s arms. What is it want for myself?

A difference. Strength. Confidence. All in all, happiness with what it is I’m doing. I want to be able to wake up every day and know that in some way, I’m positively impacting someone, anyone in this world. Even with the slightest difference or the tiniest impact, I want to at least do something, even if it’s barely a scratch.

And what does my heart crave? The arts and love. I long to sing my heart out, dance and release all which fills me in so many different ways. I want to truly be consumed by the passion that flows through my heart and viens.

So what holds me back? Perhaps the fear of changing something which I feel comfortable with, perhaps just the fear of losing myself yet again, the fear of change in general, or is it the fear of being completely unhappy with the outcome?

Regardless, I need to release myself from this haze, release my heart and soul and allow it, allow me to forget it all and just go. Go without turning back, without looking back. Instead of waiting for love to sweep me off my feet, I want to be able to go forth and take control of my own heart rather easily swayed by others. I do nothing but fantasize and dream of all the things I wish to strive for.

It’s time for me to make that difference for myself, break through this endless haze and go.

The dew, lingering on her skin as she walks through the forest, alone. Her body is there, but it is empty. Her soul is vacant, floating in a land unknown to man. Her body moves, branches scratching her skin as she goes. The mist gathers around her, following her, lingering on her cold skin. Feeding off of the life she once had. Darkness closing in on the day, seizing any cheer within the air. Being as her soul is gone, her body will be taken soon as well. The mist and darkness together will blend, creating a deadly force beyond anyones power to withstand it’s strength, seizing all it pleases. Her body, as the mist lingers, is it’s target. It’s only a matter of time. Walking through these woods can not save her. She’s far from the outskirts, far from hope, from safety. There’s no escape for her and her body. The mist has her.

I am just a girl. I’m trying to find me. Trying to find a path which suits me best and flows the way I’d like. I am lost, confused. I am dazed and clouded by depression as I stand bare foot in the dirt. Soaking in the world around me, I feel filled with life, yet held, locked in place with no where to go.

I am just a girl. Broken and lost in the waves of life.

I’m not happy where I am
I’m not happy where I stand

I’m not happy as I stand across the street looking at you

Written Form – bit.ly iPhone Daily Vlog Channel – youtube.com

A winding road lay before me
Marked and torn from the years passed
I travel, bare footed and raw
Completely venerable and broken

Allow the energy to take over your body
Allow it to fill you
Surge through you
Control you

I can’t fight this feeling inside of me, ramming through my head each and every day. Energy lays completely diminished at the bottom of my soul, leaving me feeling heavy and as though I can not continue picking up my feet to walk. I can’t think with this fog that’s been with me for far too long. I know I must change something, I know I must make a difference for myself and lord do I want to. However, what can I do and how can I defeat this little monster that’s been created within my soul which only continues to dampen me each and every day.

No one can decide nor pin point where and why this whole monster has come to be, I can’t either. My procrastination only worsens it and my heart sinks more and more. I feel it a burden to glance into the mirror, take a photo, let alone record any type of video to share with the world.

Yet I want to break free from this feeling, to escape this living hell I somehow managed to create for myself over the past few years. But how…

My mind is racing
Heads aching
Questions come and go
Leaving me puzzled

Unsure of where to go
I am dazed
No longer able to understand
What it is I seek

Help me.