Category Archives: Blogs

When I Die – RE: Rules Upon Death




Death. It unfortunately happens every single day all around us and it’s something we try to not think about it. But with time, we all have to face death in one way or another.

Back in 2012, Carrie Hope Fletcher, also known as It’sWayPastMyBedTime, posted a video discussing how she wants her funeral to be like and it got me thinking. She made a lot of points that I feel are fantastic ideas so definitely check out her video.

Now, death naturally is a sad thing. Loosing anyone in your life or someone you love will almost always be hard, but to me, each and every person that passes should be, in a sense, celebrated.

So for my funeral, I have a little plan for anyone that may attend. First and foremost, let’s toss the word “funeral”. When I go, it’s going to be a little gathering, a party if you will. Not in celebration that I am dead, but in celebration of the life I lived and the connections I had with each and every person that was in my life.

           

Project for Awesome [2012]




Every year on December 17th, a majority of the YouTube community take part in Project for Awesome which was started by Hank and John Green of the Vlogbrothers back in 2007.

The Project for Awesome is an annual event on YouTube in which thousands of video creators make videos supporting their favorite charity. Anybody is allowed to participate – simply make a video about a charity you support and post it on YouTube on December 17th. Then tune into the livestream and join in the commenting and donating fun. DFTBA!

Now there are so many charities that are truly amazing and I wish I could donate and promote each and every one of them as they all do what they can to help the cause they’re fighting for. But here are four of my favorite charities. Anything can help so if you can, check out these charities and donate what you can to help. I also suggest looking into other charities that are for great causes and can help all around the world that may be featured here – ProjectforAwesome.com

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American Heart Association

           

Slump.




I honestly don’t know how to put everything in my head to words. I know that a lot of it seems and are excuses for my lack in any type of work or anything in general lately. I’ve been in a slump and it’s only getting worse and worse with time. I’m going to explain a few things that I don’t think a lot of people know that went on with me and that continues to go on with me and I’m sorry ahead of time if I disappoint you in anyway.

           

What’s been going on lately??




A lot of people have been asking when I’ll be posting videos, clearly I’ve been slacking quiet a bit. But I do have a reason as to why. A lot has been going on in my life lately. And within the past few months, there’s been a lot of things building up and moving quickly in my life and I haven’t been able to find much time to work on Videos that I have in mind (trust me, I have A TON in mind!)

I haven’t forgotten about you, I’m not neglecting you nor am I trying to let you down; there’s just been so much going on that I’m starting to fall behind. Here are my reasons and explanations to what’s been going on in my life.

First and foremost, I’ve been having some serious technical issues. (The next bit will be an explanation to everything that happened there). I currently have the Macbook Pro 13″ from 2010. It’s an amazing computer and I love it, but because I have so much that I do and use on it, my memory/storage easily fills up and my computer speeds are a bit too slow to me. So I updated my RAM from 4GB to 8GB. That’s entirely fine. But then I bought a SSD (Solid State Drive) to install where my computers main HD was, and bought a CD Slot Caddy (A caddy to place my original HD from the computer in the place of the CD Drive). Everything went smoothly aside from little difficulties with getting Mac OS X on it, but then one day, it just died.  Now let me explain quickly  – I bought the SSD to have my Operating System run off of it and store applications (which can take up a good amount of space) and just have my main files on my HD. I didn’t realize but I accidentally saved my game plays onto my SSD rather my HD and thus, when it died, I lost all of my already finished ready-to-upload gameplays for my gaming channel. I also lost a video I had filmed while I was in NJ for my main channel. So I ordered a new SSD and now have found out the main cable that runs from my SSD/HD to the motherboard of my computer is broken in some way and won’t transfer any info to my computer – thus it won’t work. I’m currently just running my HD through the CD Drive Caddy. I have to wait to be able to really heavily work on videos that I have to do until I can get that wire replaced and my computer working.

Secondly, there has been a lot of stress occurring within my family. I’m not going to get into a full detailed explanation because it’s not something I need to discuss, but I will tell you this. My father has been sick practically all his life but has always fought to keep living and to make the best of his life, and he has done so for the past 50+ years (He’ll be 69 in October). I absolutely love both of my parents and my dad is one of the only people I actually look up to in my life. He’s been a hero to me, an amazing father, and a great friend and forever will be to me. As I’m writing this, he’s in his third rehabilitation center after being placed in the hospital multiple times because of some form of problem from his heart. Now because of these unfortunate consistent hospital/rehab stays, it’s been extremely hard on my mom as well. My mom works as hard as she can, sells antiques and items the best she can, and always tries to be at my dads side no matter where he is to just make him feel better if possible. Honestly, my mom is so stressed and so crazily busy with everything, she barely sleeps and when she can, it’s on the couch because she’s too exhausted to go up to bed. I’m extremely worried for both of my parents health and I’m the only one in my family at this time that is remotely capable of helping them. I can’t help out financially as much as I’d like being as I’m struggling myself, but I try and offer anything and everything I can. Just keeping them company can help with their sanity and happiness. Regardless – because of everything going on with my family and with my dad being sick, I’m constantly stressed and worried and traveling back and forth to try and help the best I can. (I’m not at all complaining about it – I’m just stating what’s going on). [Now in the daily vlogs I’m in of Ty’s it may seem that in the footage of me, I don’t seem so stressed or so busy – that’s because I’m trying to NOT look that way and I’m trying to keep things remotely happy and remotely entertaining for viewer enjoyment.] So basically, worried, travel, stress and what not because of family struggles and health issues.

Thirdly, I’ve been having a lot of my own personal mental struggles. I really want to go back to school, get a degree yet I know that if I weren’t living with Ty, I would be staying at home taking care of my parents – thus I feel cornered. Aside from school, a giant part of me wants to get a job to go out into the world and socialize with others rather being cooped up in a house all the time (if I’m not traveling). The only money I make is the little bits of money from my own personal videos. I do not get paid for the little work I do with the daily vlogs being as he pays for a majority of my expenses in return for my work. (I am starting to realize this isn’t the best thing either – I need to save up my money and know exactly where the money I earn goes to and what not). And I’ve also been thinking deeply on moving back to NJ. I really need to be with my family and need to be near them so I can give them as much help as possible but yet, I don’t want to leave NC because I want to be able to be with Ty and Mac. Everything’s just a big mess. So I just am bouncing back and forth with myself on my own personal decisions.

Lastly, anytime I’m not traveling or not dealing with technical problems, I’m doing something with Ty. Because of the vlogs that he and I do, we’re constantly trying to find things that are entertaining for viewers and ways to keep everything in our house together and well. I’m not going into detail but we have our own relationship we’re working on (NO relationship is perfect), we’ve got a house we have to take care of, and work on the vlogs together daily.

Whenever I’m not doing any of those things; dealing with tech problems, traveling, family matters, working out situations in my mind, and working with Ty on the Daily Vlogs, I feel like I barely have anytime to breathe. I’m never one to really focus on me. I always put others before myself and give what I can to those who need it more. I’m just trying to be as honest and blunt about everything. I never take time in the day to really focus on myself. The only time I do is when I get ready, and even then, I don’t enjoy any of that time because I’m always rushing. Right now, as I’m writing this, I still feel like I’m not even able to breath and just relax for a moment to take care of myself. There’s just so much stress and worries of all sorts of different things occuring throughout my body and mind I just feel like I’m losing myself completely.

Meanwhile, I have so many different videos that I have to film and make and edit and I KNOW I will get them done as soon as I can. So anytime anyone asks when I’ll be posting a new video, I can only reply with “soon!!”. I do plan on getting videos out for you guys as soon as I possibly can. First priority, fix my computer cable so I can use my SSD and edit quick enough to get a bundle of stuff out.

I know all of those said explanations aren’t just reasonable excuses. Throughout all of this, I should be able to make videos and what not so I greatly apologize for my slack-age :/
Now quickly! I have a few little update-ish things on my channels:

Main Channel: I plan to, once I have a bundle of stuff set and ready, upload videos at least once a week for you if not more. Definitely once a week!
iPhone Channel: I’ll definitely upload a few times a week giving you guys little bits and updates. I’ve been thinking about doing daily vlogs on this channel myself, just simple small stuff. I’ve been thinking about that for a few months now but I’m not sure if that’s going to happen – it’s up for debate!
Gaming Channel: Once I get all of the gameplays I had recorded re-recorded and exported and have everything basically back-logged, I’m hoping to be able to consistently upload a gameplay every day along with occasional videos discussing gaming news, fun game-stuff and anything gaming related.
Beauty Channel: I haven’t really released this channel to the public yet – well, now you know about it. There isn’t any content up there currently, but I have a LOT of videos planned for this channel and, as the same as the rest of my channels, I plan to get a ton of videos filmed for you and upload once every other week or once a month on that channel. I’m not planning on keeping it on a serious schedule – this is some side project I really want to work on and enjoy so we shall see! :D

 

Okay! There we go haha.  (Again, I know none of this is a reasonable excuse, I don’t expect everyone to be like “oh it’s fine grayson”. I’m upset with myself that I haven’t been making videos ;/) That’s my basic update-ish type thing for everyone curious and I again, do not want to be letting you guys down or seeming like I just forgot about you. There’s just been so much going on. Thank you so much for understanding and being so patient with me. I love you soo much and can’t even explain to you how grateful I am for having you in my life :)

           

The Oceans Wrath




Staring blankly toward the ceiling
Waves begin to rise

The Oceans wrath consumes me,
As my eyes haze to white

The storm stirs,
Whirling around me

Crashing against my side,
Tossing me into its deep abyss

Water fills my lungs
My touch begins to fade

And just as I gasp for breath
The room comes back, the Ocean fades

           

A Difference.




Right when I thought my path and mind was finally clearing from this haze that’s unfortunately trailed along side me for far too long, it thickens around me, constricting me yet again. I need to truly sit and listen to what my heart says, what my heart longs for aside from love and comfort in another’s arms. What is it want for myself?

A difference. Strength. Confidence. All in all, happiness with what it is I’m doing. I want to be able to wake up every day and know that in some way, I’m positively impacting someone, anyone in this world. Even with the slightest difference or the tiniest impact, I want to at least do something, even if it’s barely a scratch.

And what does my heart crave? The arts and love. I long to sing my heart out, dance and release all which fills me in so many different ways. I want to truly be consumed by the passion that flows through my heart and viens.

So what holds me back? Perhaps the fear of changing something which I feel comfortable with, perhaps just the fear of losing myself yet again, the fear of change in general, or is it the fear of being completely unhappy with the outcome?

Regardless, I need to release myself from this haze, release my heart and soul and allow it, allow me to forget it all and just go. Go without turning back, without looking back. Instead of waiting for love to sweep me off my feet, I want to be able to go forth and take control of my own heart rather easily swayed by others. I do nothing but fantasize and dream of all the things I wish to strive for.

It’s time for me to make that difference for myself, break through this endless haze and go.

           

RIP Steve Jobs




RIP Steve Jobs
1955-2011

Steve was truly an inspirational man. Within seconds of notice on his passing, everyone was effected. I obviously don’t personally know Steve but I feel like I, as well as so many others, have been positively impacted by what he’s done for himself, for Apple and for this world. He’s honestly changed so many things, changed technology and the way things in this world work. With the products he’s created in his lifetime with Apple, he’s been able to change lives, save lives, and improve lives of so many.

He’s changed the way we see the world, the way that our world will go forth with technology. He is not only the image and soul of Apple, but an idol to so many people of all ages. He’ll always be remembered and never forgotten. A man with the soul he had can never just disappear. He’ll forever be in our hearts. It almost seems as though he’s a close friend, or a family member with how upset a lot of us are.

If you follow me on twitter (@pirategrayson) you already know and have read the many tweets of emotions from me. I just can’t even really explain everything as to how I feel in simple words no matter how hard I try.

Ultimately, without Steve, I wouldn’t be where I am today. For my personal case, I wouldn’t have met my boyfriends (Tysiphonehelp), I wouldn’t have been introduced to YouTube, I wouldn’t have made videos, I wouldn’t have made videos from my front facing camera off my iPhone 4, and I wouldn’t be in this seat this very second.

I’m happy to know that at least he’s now no longer in pain nor suffering. It was heartbreaking to see how his body was changing because of Cancer and how he was being effected. Yet through it all, he stayed strong and presented himself the best he could regardless to his health. He lived far longer than expected with having cancer and through it, lived strong and fulfilling. As many have been saying to try and cheer up the mood, he’s no longer in pain and is now in the “iClouds” <3 Here are a few things I think you should check out. http://apple.com/ (currently)
http://apple.com/stevejobs
CNN’s Video Tribute to Steve Jobs

           

Tips for Filming




So today I’ve been so stressed. I have three videos I had planned to film and finish (at least the raw footage parts) by today, however, too many things came into play to completely stop me from doing so. With looking back at the entire day, I want to share with you some tips I think you’ll find helpful if you’re trying to film videos or anything of that sort in your house.

           

You’re Beautiful.





You’re beautiful just as you are. You do not need to change for anyone. You are born the way you are and you should never feel like you need to change it. You’re beautiful in your own way. Stand proud of who you are and how you are, love yourself and love the world around you. Be strong, hold onto life and cherish all that you have.
Stay strong throughout all the troubles life hands you, stay true to yourself and you shall live happily. You are the only person in charge of you and your life, so take charge and own the world as you know it.

Women, you are beautiful and do not need to compare yourself to models, shake your ass and disrespect yourself and other women just to have men like you, look at you, and to be accepted. And men, you do not need to be tough and hide how you really act to be accepted. We should all accept one another just as we are.

Love yourself. Tell yourself that you’re beautiful, because you are. I know it and you know it deep down.

You are beautiful.

           

VidCon




VidCon 2012 has already been planned and getting itself all together quickly! There are a few pieces of information that have been leaked to those that attended VidCon 2011 and this is definitely something you need to jump on if you’re wanting to go! Click here to see the PDF of the VidCon information.

VidCon is a video conference held for YouTubers of all sorts. It’s a truly amazing experience that I’d highly suggest to someone who uses YouTube daily or making videos on YouTube as their job. There are so many different opportunities present to each and everyone who attends the event.